I Almost Quit Paint Parties
A while back, I was done.
Not tired done. Not “I need a weekend off” done. I mean I had job listings open on my laptop and I was reading through them, picturing myself going back to a regular paycheck. And not just any job. I was looking at teaching again. Middle school art, specifically. If you know, you know. Middle school is its own special kind of chaos, and the fact that I was seriously considering going back to it tells you exactly how worn down I was.
I had been doing paint parties for a long time, and that particular season was hard. The doubt was loud. The wins felt small. So I did what a lot of people do when they get worn down. I started looking for the exit. A steady paycheck, clock in, clock out, let someone else carry the pressure of building something. Honestly? The idea felt like relief.
I’m telling you this up front because I want you to know I’m not writing from some mountaintop where everything always worked out. I was right there at the edge, ready to walk away.
Then Bobby and I sat down and looked at the actual numbers. And what we found changed my mind completely.
The Budget Conversation That Stopped Me
This wasn’t some big emotional talk. Bobby, my husband, and I just pulled up our real budget and looked at what would actually happen if I quit paint parties and went back to teaching.
The numbers told a story my tired brain had completely missed.
If I took that middle school art job, I would have been making $2,000 less. Sit with that for a second. I was about to go back to a classroom full of middle schoolers, give up the freedom I’d built, AND make two thousand dollars less doing it. The thing I was ready to quit was already paying me more than the “safe” job I’d been daydreaming about.
I just sat there with it. The exit I’d been eyeing wasn’t actually safer. It only felt safer because it was familiar. The real numbers said the complete opposite of what fear had been telling me.
I’d been so deep in the doubt that I forgot to look at what was right in front of me. The business I was ready to abandon was already working. I just couldn’t see it, because fear was doing the math for me. And fear is a terrible accountant. It always rounds up the risk and rounds down the reward.
Here’s Where This Comes Back to You
You’ve probably had your own version of that week.
The slow stretch where the quitting voice gets loud. Where you start wondering if you’re fooling yourself. Maybe you’ve even peeked at job listings too, just to see what’s out there.
So let me hand you the exact thing that saved me, because it’s something you can do this week.
Sit down and look at your real numbers. Not the story in your head. The facts on paper. Ask yourself:
“How much have I actually made from paint parties in the last six months?”
“What would I really clear at that ‘safe’ job, after taxes, gas, and childcare?”
“How much have I already built and learned that I’d be throwing away?”
“What would it actually cost me, in time and money, to start over from scratch?”
Write it down. Real numbers, in black and white. I think you’ll be surprised the same way I was. A lot of the time, the thing we’re scared isn’t working is working better than we ever gave it credit for. We just never stopped to look.
And if the numbers genuinely aren’t there yet, that’s still useful information. That doesn’t mean quit. It means you now know exactly what to focus on next.
Why You Can’t Seem to Let This Go
Now here’s the deeper thing, and it’s the real reason I stayed.
That desire you have? I don’t think it’s random. I believe God put it there.
Think about it. Why you? Why do you keep circling back to this when the people around you don’t? Your neighbor isn’t lying awake thinking about paint parties. Your old coworker isn’t dreaming about building something creative. But you are. That pull is specific to you. It was placed in you on purpose.
And here’s the part that gives me real peace. If God gives you the desire, I believe the provision comes with it. The two travel together. That means the customers are out there. The ideas will come. The doors open, often in ways you’d never plan for. You don’t have to force the whole thing into existence by sheer grit and willpower. You’re not carrying it alone.
When I looked at that budget, I didn’t just see numbers. I saw provision. The work I was about to quit had been quietly taking care of my family the whole time. The customers had been showing up. I just hadn’t been paying attention.
So if you’re standing at the edge right now, let me ask you plainly. What if the thing you’re trying to quit is the exact thing you were meant to do? What if the provision you’ve been waiting for is already on its way, and walking away would mean missing it by inches?
You’re the One Who’s Supposed to Do This
Grab onto this part.
The dream you have was not handed to you so you could pass it off to someone more qualified. God gave it to you.
We do this thing where we treat our own desires like they belong to better-equipped people. “Somebody with more experience should do this. Someone with more money. Someone less scared than me.” So we shrink back and wait to feel ready.
But the desire wasn’t given to that imaginary, more-qualified person. It was given to you. With your background. Your story. Your exact mix of strengths and lessons. There are people out there who need what you specifically bring to a paint party, in the way only you can bring it.
Being scared doesn’t disqualify you. Feeling behind doesn’t disqualify you. Having doubts on a slow week doesn’t disqualify you. That’s just being human. None of it changes the fact that this is yours to do.
And if you came out of a corporate job that drained you, or a season where you stopped feeling like yourself, none of that was wasted. It was preparation. You’re not behind. You’re being equipped.
When the Quitting Voice Comes Back
It will come back. So let’s have a plan for it.
First, name it. Just say, “Okay, that’s the fear voice again.” Naming it takes away most of its power. You stop treating it like truth and start treating it like what it is.
Second, go back to the facts. Pull out the paper with your real numbers and your real progress. Let the truth talk louder than the fear. That’s exactly what cut through the panic for me that night with Bobby.
Third, remember why you can’t shake this. That stubborn pull isn’t a problem to fix. It’s a signal worth following. The fact that this keeps showing back up, no matter how many times you try to set it down, tells you it matters. It tells you it’s yours.
Fourth, take one small step. Not a giant leap. One. Book one more party. Message one more potential customer. Post one more time. And provision tends to show up when you keep moving, not when you freeze.
What I Almost Threw Away
If Bobby and I had never sat down and looked at those real numbers, I might have walked away from the very thing I was built to do. I came that close. And I would have been quitting something that was already working. I’d have traded provision for fear.
I don’t want that for you.
So if you’ve been at the edge, job listings open, and you’re wondering if you should just give up and go back to “normal,” do what I did. Look at the real facts. Trust that the desire in you was put there by God on purpose. And believe the provision you need is coming, maybe already sitting right in front of you, waiting for you to notice.
You’re not crazy for wanting this. You’re not behind. And you’re not the wrong person for the job. You’re exactly the right one. Keep going.